The hardest lesson I've ever learned, the very hardest was actually the easiest to do with the most successful results
The most powerful thing I could tell you that I've learned in loving and serving Christ, they don't teach it in the churches that I've been to and I've been to many. You don't "do it yourself with will power.  You go to
God, surrender 112% and accept his will for us,  regardless of the
consequences.  Regardless of the situation".

They keep telling you in church  "You have all power, YOU have Jesus."
Well?  My message to you, after suffering unspeakable agony for 36 years
with witch craft, as my parents are in a coven, is:!!!! You have all power
because you have "JESUS."  I personally have no power at all what so
ever apart from Christ. None.  I can fool myself in moments of arrogance
that "I may have an answer", but no all answers that come from myself are

I see so many churches that tell you "be good, do good, and ect and so
on."  Well? I'm 59 years old and ONLY GOD IS GOOD. ONLY GOD.  Jesus himself
said that, so anybody who implys other then this is calling Christ himself
a liar.  Remember when the man came to Christ and said..."OH Master, You're
so good." Remember what Christ the messiah said to him?  He said "Man, you don't know what you are saying, only God is good.  Now Christ said this, I
didn't make it up and I haven't added any of my own thoughts to this sentance Christ himself said this.

Infact for 17 years with my low self opinion because of the child abuse, I had a burning devouring "need" to be good. I tried so very very hard to be good and I never yet to this day have achieved that arena Yes by the world's terms I'm good to the point of stupidity. I'm the laughing stock of the world community. To me they are cons- antly telling me that I've got to be good, and I almost drank myself to death because I couldn't do it and I felt so guilty I was onfire with shame. The more I felt shame the more I drank, and honestly in some churches I think they actually enjoyed seeing me squirm with guilt and shame. Billy Graham doesn't do that, he's honest, even he whom I think is the precious love of God, says he's not good.

But by God's terms even today after serving him for 50 years "the best I could" wasn't good enough. Now at first this may come out as "oh here we go again, another life alog". But no, wait a minute. It says in Isaiah 64:6 it says

We have "all" become like one who is not clean. "All" our righteousness is as filthy rags before the Lord. We "all"fade like the leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.

And how about Titus 3:3 For "we" ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hatted by men and hating one another;

4-but when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, 5 "HE" saved us, not because of works we had done, but in virtue of "HIS" goodness, His own mercy, by the "washing" of regeneration and renewal in the Holy Spirit,

6 Which "HE" poured out upon us richly "Through Jesus Christ our Savior,"

7 So we might be "justified by "HIS" grace and become "heirs" in hope and eternal life.

Now if God did say that in Isaiah, and Titus and probably many more, then I was calling God a liar, an incompetent by trying to be good on my own. I've wracked my brains out, I"ve nearly killed myself trying to be good, and without Christ I can not do it I'm whipped. I'm pure dee whipped. I can not do it.

I don't have any idea how many people believe me when I say that I have been way leighed by witch craft for 36 years here. I don't know how many more are even interested, but this is what I've lived my life for this very moment when Christ would give me the keys. And my friend Alisa gave me the keys, and Christ has opened the doors and has helped me so much in the past 30 days.

No lie, for 36 years I could not overpower witch craft, and I on my own still can't. But when I come face to face with witch craft, I can honestly tell everyone "I" still have no power, but When I go to our Christ and I admit I am powerless and that I can not do it, and read the scriptures outloud, as I've already stated with no malice toward my enemies, but simply in obeyance to the word of God, and take the promise of Hebrews 4:12 that God's word is a living thing and that his word is more powerful then any two edged sword, and I simply speak the word and "I" myself do nothing.

Christ comes in in all his power and Glory and battles this hideous junk (hideous but no man on his own can battle it, no one) Like the lovely song "The Battle belongs to the Lord".

I got lost this last month in talking to you, I'm so used to talking to you every single day I loose track of time, but for the past 40 days I have been hit with a siege every single day but one, as I remember. And today (November 19, 1999) I am under severe attack. And I have gone to Psalms, starting with Psalm 8, and reading it outloud to Psalms 17. Since I'm in a battle, and I'm powerless over it, I must do what I know to do. I'm powerless so to fear this is senseless. You say "my people perish for lack of knowledge" and Fahter you never speak useless worthless non meaning words. Since I'm litterally in the battle and a hideous battle it is, I must do what you have taught me to do. And that's speak the most powerful words in man kind's area and that is any spoken word of the Lord God Almighty.

And count on your protection as you promise in Isaish 55:7-13, and Hebrews 4:12. I'm 59 Father and I've never caught you in error or lying one iota. These battles come one right after another.

And sometimes two sieges a day. I in all my powerlessness, and in all humility do as I have described in the preceding paragraphs, and by the name of the living God Christ has gotten me through it every single time every single day with out one hair messed up. The only thing that messed up my hair was the wind.

(I live in the Grande Ronde Valley in the Blue Mountains of Oregon and the wind blows here even when it is still ha, so my hair is always messed up)

Now I love Turning point and lots of programs on the radio like Billy Graham, Franklin Graham, for instance because they speak as God has shown me to do (not that I always do it, no but Christ has shown me to walk in humility at all times for he's pointed out it was through no good work of my own he has saved me but by his kindness and grace alone. But these programs all have one theme I disagree with completely....That "we do the right thing, that We are good" I've always argued with chruches because they cling to man made messages, and man made rules, and man made doctrine
On MY OWN I'M a WRETCH, I mean I am a total failure, and I am not good, I
am nothing without God's help. NOTHING.  And on my own, no matter how hard I try I CAN NOT BE GOOD.  I have GOOD intentions, but I'm carnal in flesh
and I HAVE TO HAVE GOD HELP ME.  If we didn't need a savior and if we could be self sufficeint, then why did Christ have to suffer unspeakable humilliation,?  We're talking the King of all creation, being beaten to a pulp, spit on, shown naked on the cross and suffering the unspeakable pain
on the cross it's self, and for what?  FOR US, but WE didn't do it on our  own, and WE NEVER CAN do it on our own.  NO  I'm POWERLESS I stand with complette abandon before Christ and I've been at his mercy 24 hours a day for 59 years, and anybody who thinks they are not at God's mercy regardless of the circumstances and consequences is fooling themselves.

I've always stuck to the gospels and any other message at all and I take the gospels Matthew, Mark, Luke and John litteral and exactly as written.

It says in the bible that "my people perish for lack of knowledge" I was in a living nitemare for 35 years, in mental agony 24 hours a day, and if I hadn't met Alisa on the Internet and recieved her message I feel was directly from Christ himself I would still be in mental agony 24 hours a day. But her message and I repeat it here again because it has meant such a differance in my life is this:

Pray in the word, stay in the word, and stand in the word. When I pray without pointing my hands in the air at my enemy and shouting loudly at the power "I" have over them because of Christ, and loudly and profanely really shouting and vainly yelling in somebody's face "I rebuke you in Christ's Holy name" and acting like "I" have power, no that's not what Christ has given me to do, I am to in all humility, without malice to bind my enemy, and forgive him because Christ said "Vengance is mine saith the Lord" Gosh this is such a powerful message if I do it, that I can after 35 years of nearly complete failure, sit here and tell you the most power I ever recieved was when I came to Christ and said God? I am powerless, I am helpless I can not do this and I'm in trouble and being attacked, then obediently, calmly, quietly speak out his word aloud oh I have such success through Christ and his power. The battle belongs to the Lord.

I when I am in deep battle use or start out with Psalms 34 and read out loud up to Psalms and including all the ones in between Psalms 38. Sometimes I have to speak them twice. But since I'm powerless and it's God's  battle not mine and I know from 35 years of battle I have nearly perished for lack of knowleged, and If I do what I'm suposed in the word, pray in the word, and stay in the word, and come to Father God, helpless as I am....God, and Christ are all powerful, and never fail to amaze me at his tender loving care God gives over His Hoy word.

Another fault or character defect I have is I've always said "OH! Don't let that one suffer!!! Here! I'll take his suffering and I'll take his whipping!!! Oh! I musn't allow this poor person to suffer.

Now be honest.....................................When was the first time you started facing your difficulties and doing something about your faults and character defects? Wasn't it when you were suffering? Yes we are to help others in their suffering, but I was taking on their responsibilities also.

I had many people and I would take their blame, like If I slapped your face, wouldn't "I" be liable for the consequences? Well? No I would take everyone's consequences of their own actions and "I" would suffer their consequences.
That's not virtue, that's insanity.

Like take in a homeless person and then not require him to work, like it was all my responsibility, or if someone got drunk that I knew and hit me and beat me up, I would step up and say that it was "my fault, I would cover it up for them, I would pay their bills, "I" would take over, so consequently the person never learned around me that if "You're gonna booze you're gonna loose" If you're gonna play you're gonna pay, no..................Not Flora...No..Flora would make all kinds of excuses for you, even lie for you, hide your actions so others wouldn't see, because "virtuous Flora, the wonderful marter would take up your slack, take the boogie man away so "you would never have to face your own actions"

I don't know if I'm making any sense at all or not to you but it makes perfect sense to me. God allows some things to happen to us for our own character building and really and truly everything works for the good for those who love the Lord.

No, No, my sexual abuse was devastating, Oh, yes it was extremely painful, and all the humiliation of all my divorces,and all my self loathing all the terror attacks that I went through, oh my yes it was extremely painful, oh my yes it hurt me terribly, like when I was five and my own dad told my mother that he was going to kill she and I and take my brother someplace else, in a drunken stuper, honestly truely the loss of my children, everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be. By these horrible incidence's I can feel someone else's situations and I can from the very bottom of my heart with all feeling of love and empathy ask God to intervene and to help this person and I can honestly hurt for a total stranger and really really care if good comes to him, but if God says wait, I can honestly tell that person that God will provide, down the road if he is patient. If he perserveres.

Like I said about the incident about my dad going to shoot me and my mother and I saw this giant to me as I was only five years old, ugly and violent as he was, by growing up in an atmosphere of fear and being in harms way I could with God's help ofcourse stand up to other people of violence, and it's like a soldier feels fear every time he goes to battle but he's not afraid, he knows he must well? I don't like it but with the hideous things of my past I can know that God will provide, and God will help me and I can stand up to nearly any kind of violence, but now don't quickly pass over the fact that "I have said with God's help" and through Christ I can do all things. I mean it God has proven it to me.

Being a Christian is not an easy thing to do, and for me it's been extremely painful and humiliating, but God suffices in all things if we trust him. We're talking God here, the God of the universe. He is omnipotent and all powerful the most dreadful adversary in the whole relm of life and death, and he can send us to eternal life, and joy and happiness if we surrender to him or he has the power over life and death as the bible says and the power to send us to the unquenchable eternal fires of hell.

God doesn't sit around and waste your time with useless and idle words, every word that proceeds from the mouth of God is important. He means every word of it.

This is so imporaant. So have faith in the words that comes from Isaiah again, I guess I live in Isaiah when I'm not in the gospels Isaiah 55:7-13

Even Christ said "on my own I can do nothing" We wouldn't need God, and we wouldn't need a savior if "we" were good enough.

Now my life's not over, and I'm not healed yet....don't pick on me God's not through with me yet. ha, No I'm not joking about the subject but I do have so surrender dayly on an minute by minute surrender. God love you all Comments